George Santos to Spend More Time with Imaginary Family The congressman thanked his children for taking care of his many imaginary pets, including a marmot and a python. November 16, 2023 Clarence Thomas Collapses from Exhaustion After First Full Day of Regulating Himself Other Justices are struggling with the arduous self-regulatory demands of the code of conduct, too. November 14, 2023 Nation Terrified That Mike Johnson Is the Adult in the Room Americans wondered what sort of adult would deny the outcome of a legitimate election and believe the separation of church and state is a myth. November 13, 2023 Ivanka Unable to Remember Name of Her Father Responding to a question about Donald Trump’s business dealings, Ms. Trump said, “I’m sorry. I’m not familiar with that person.” November 9, 2023 Furious Ohio Republicans Report Widespread Incidents of Women Voting “Many of our poll workers spotted women going into voting booths and literally casting votes,” a G.O.P. operative in Lake County said. November 8, 2023 Ginni Thomas Says Mike Johnson’s Wife Seems a Little Crazy “Someone has to tell her to dial it back a smidge,” Thomas said, of the wife of the new Speaker of the House. November 1, 2023 Mike Pence Returns Four Dollars to Donors The former Vice-President told reporters he took pride in the fact that his campaign has been funded exclusively by small contributions. October 30, 2023 Johnson Promises to Be Greatest Speaker of the Seventeenth Century “For years, time travel was the stuff of science fiction,” the newly elected Speaker said. “Now, as I take this majestic nation back four hundred years, I will make that dream a reality.” October 25, 2023 George Santos Declares Jim Jordan’s Identity Not Worth Stealing The New York representative told his colleagues, “I would be embarrassed to use any credit card with Jim Jordan’s name on it.” October 17, 2023 Jim Jordan’s Speaker Bid in Jeopardy After He Accidentally Locks Himself in Bathroom Jordan’s inability to engineer an exit from his own restroom raised fresh questions about his fitness to be Speaker. October 16, 2023