When Elliot Page disclosed he was trans late last year in a moving Instagram post, he swiftly became the most recognizable trans masculine person on the planet—and in a particularly harrowing political moment for trans people in the United States too. In the months since Page’s initial post, more than 30 state legislatures have proposed more than 115 bills that would limit health care and other rights for trans people, with an emphasis on trans children. So far eight explicitly anti-LGBTQ bills have been signed into law in the United States this year, and 10 more sit on governors’ desks.

Despite this fraught environment—and the vulnerability most trans people feel early in transition—Page recently told me that he is also filled with “joy and excitement.” The power of being able to live as his authentic self, as well as an awareness of his own privilege as a highly visible, Oscar-nominated actor, have lit a fire in him over the fight for trans rights. Page appeared on the cover of Time magazine in March, where he addressed the political cost of anti-trans campaigns. He also recorded a candid sit-down with Oprah Winfrey that will debut Friday on Apple TV+. The interview, he hopes, will help combat the “misinformation and lies” embedded in anti-trans legislation.

Page and I met while working together on Tales of the City in 2018, and quickly found we had a creative connection. We’ve kept up with each other ever since. In the lead-up to the Oprah Conversation interview, I called him to chat about how transitioning has helped him access a newfound creativity, the exhilaration of finally being present and embodied, and why he’s chosen to make a private process so public in the midst of a culture war on trans rights.

Vanity Fair: We met in 2018. I didn’t know your whole situation, but I understood gender-wise that I related to you on some level even then. How would you describe your life then versus now?

Elliot Page: The most significant difference is that I’m really able to just exist. I would imagine you’ll understand where I’m coming from—just exist by myself, like be able to sit with myself. Not have some constant distraction, all these things that aren’t conscious or aren’t even overly overt. For the first time in, I don’t even know how long, [I am] really just being able to sit by myself, be on my own, be productive, and be creative. It’s such an oversimplification to say it this way, but I’m comfortable. I feel a significant difference in my ability to just exist—and not even just day to day, but moment to moment.

It feels to me like you’re describing a sense of being present.

That’s perfectly said. This is the first time I’ve even felt really present with people, that I can be just really relaxed and not have an anxiety that’s always pulling.

Despite all the success you’ve had in your career, you told Time that you felt so much gendered pressure to look a certain way for roles that you nearly quit acting more than once. How has acting shifted for you, or how is it beginning to shift for you, as you’re feeling more embodied? What’s opening up for you creatively?

What has happened the most since coming out to people close to me is this massive explosion of creativity. One of my best friends and I wrote our first screenplay, and I’m developing something else now, and I made some music with a friend. I think of all the energy and time that was going towards feeling uncomfortable, constantly checking my body, just feeling unwell. And I’ve got a new ability to explore creatively and write, and just how much I’m reading—that’s been really amazing.

In terms of acting, I don’t think I quite know yet. I am just a lot more fucking comfortable and present, so it’s hard to imagine that that’s not affecting the work, because, really, being present’s ultimately what you’re going for—you’re just ultimately trying to crack open and be present and connect to the truth of a moment. So I’m imagining the more I get to embody who I am and exist in the body I want to exist in, there’ll be a difference.

Creativity is life-affirming.

Totally. And transphobia in our society shuts so many people out. Think of all the individuals that don’t get a chance to thrive, that don’t get a chance to have a future, that don’t get a chance to share their magic with us.

Especially kids. I don’t know how you feel about your own childhood, but I also came out later in life, at 30. But I know I was a trans kid. I wasn’t born in the wrong body—I was born in a trans body. Is that how you felt about yourself as a child?

All trans people are so different, and my story’s absolutely just my story. But yes, when I was a little kid, absolutely, 100%, I was a boy. I knew I was a boy when I was a toddler. I was writing fake love letters and signing them “Jason.” Every little aspect of my life, that is who I was, who I am, and who I knew myself to be. I just couldn’t understand when I’d be told, “No, you’re not. No, you can’t be that when you’re older.” You feel it. Now I’m finally getting myself back to feeling like who I am, and it’s so beautiful and extraordinary, and there’s a grief to it in a way.

So much of my work is trying to reconnect with that self that I was as a child, who knew who I was and then had to hide it or bury it.

I think that’s really sweet. I get waves of myself at specific ages, and I just want to cling to that person and hold them close.

A PBS-Marist poll that came out earlier this month showed that a majority of Americans, nearly 70% across political parties, actually oppose the anti-trans legislation that’s sweeping the U.S. What can people do right now if they want to take some sort of action to stop these legislative attacks?

Educate yourself about bills in your state. Look at the ACLU website; look at National Center for Transgender Equality and Transathlete. There’s so much misinformation and lies, so please don’t rely on news articles that frame this as a “trans debate” or don’t even include perspectives of trans people.

How are you balancing your newfound joy as an embodied trans person with the transphobic politics of this moment?

My feelings aren’t really linear. I feel emerging joy and excitement one moment, and then in the next, profound sadness reading about people wanting to take gender-affirming health care away from children. I feel so grateful to be at this place in my life, and I want to use the strength I have to help in all the ways that I can. The reason you and I have the privileges we have is because people have sacrificed so much for so, so, so long and put everything on the line.

I think it’s about: How can I feel grateful for my joy, and embrace my joy, and allow myself to have that joy—but then put that joy and that love into action? How do I figure out a way to integrate those two feelings, in terms of being a public person? How has it been for you?

The more challenges trans people are under, the more I find inspiration in my own feeling of freedom and joy. I also look to kids. Younger people are just so much more imaginative about what gender can even mean, and not just trans kids either. And I talk to my trans friends, like you.

Yeah. I love what you said about making sure we talk to each other, because at the same time, you’re basically seeing your identity challenged constantly. It’s so much toxic dialogue and rhetoric, and complete denial of trans and gender-nonconforming people’s existence.

I’m curious about your choice to talk to Oprah at this moment. Why was this conversation important for you to have now?

It was something I needed to sit with for a moment, because the backlash right now is so intense. But the rhetoric coming from anti-trans activists and anti-LGBTQ activists—it’s devastating. These bills are going to be responsible for the death of children. It is that simple. So [talking to Oprah] felt like an opportunity to use a wide-reaching platform to speak from my heart about some of my experience and the resources I’ve been able to access—whether therapy or surgery—that have allowed me to be alive, to live my life.

I don’t want it to sound like, “Look at me.” It’s not that at all. Actually, I was really nervous. But I thought about it for a bit, and it just felt like, Okay, the GOP basically wants to destroy the lives of trans kids and stop the Equality Act. How do you not use this platform?

If you could go back and say something to yourself as a child, or to a trans kid today, what would you say?

I would tell them that they were 100% real. I would tell myself I was exactly who I saw myself as, and felt myself as, and knew myself as. What would you say?

I think I would just say, “Keep going.”

Yeah. I think you’re right. Just fucking hold on and keep going.

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